There is a difference between “pick me” and “don’t pick someone else.” In some cases, there may be a competitive advantage to be gained by illustrating the reasons why what you do or make are better than what your competitor does or makes. At best, it’s a double-edged sword. More often, it’s a race to the bottom.
Amidst the barrage of political advertisements, we recently endured in the lead-up to the mid-term elections, there were ads in which I found it difficult to even understand who the commercial promoted. The endless loop of “don’t pick him,” followed immediately by “don’t pick her” could have almost been comical, if not for the money wasted on meaningless vitriol.
I won’t name the candidate for fear of my point being lost in a perceived political endorsement, but I noticed a Bexar County hopeful who fervently stuck to talking about himself and not his challenger. Every single ad could be summarized as: this is who I am, these are my top three concerns and here are the initiatives I will support to improve those concerns. Period.
He was running for an office for which I am ineligible to vote, but I stopped to watch his ads every time, encouraged by the clarity and impact of his message. As an aside, he won.
We all have an opponent in life. But we might not call them that word or think of them using that language. Maybe we call them a competitor, or one who seeks do business in the same space as us. Maybe they are a sibling; the one we are convinced is our parent’s favorite. It could be a volunteer, with whom we align in purpose, but aspires to the same leadership role we are eyeing. Maybe it’s a romantic suitor, a new friend to your old friend, a vendor wooing your best client. The list goes on and on.
Picking apart our opponent is far too easy and we have a whole arsenal of ways to do so. We can be passive aggressive, quietly sprinkling seeds of doubt in hopes they will find fertile soil. We can draw attention to their slightest missteps. We can gossip about them with well-placed whispers, or with the outright lies with which modern-day society has become all too comfortable accepting without reproach.
We are all guilty of these “don’t pick someone else” sins. But they are a short game. A friend once told me that if someone comfortable is speaking poorly of another in your presence, you can rest assured they are equally comfortable speaking poorly of you in your absence.
The “pick me” approach requires boldness. It mandates us to understand who we are. To narrowly choose our priorities. And, to clearly articulate how we will make it better. It exposes our vulnerabilities, but those glimpses of humanity are always a compelling sign of authentic leadership.
But beware the one who will say anything, without accountability or sensibility, while waving the banner of being their authentic self. Being louder, more visible or wholly unfiltered is simply the bully’s version of “don’t pick someone else.”
Being good enough to be noticed – and picked - for who you are, what you make or the solution you provide is far more powerful and enduring.
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